Timeless PASSION: a story of love, romance, and, of course, prepz
by asdfasdfasdfa
Summary: A prep falls in love with a prep! But then the not-so-nice goffs become a huge obstacle for their relationship. Will love prevail?1?11!11
1. in which i get cheated on

Chapter One

 **Author's Note: If you don't like fan fiction of this type, then STOP READING, by Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Do you know how much time and energy it takes to write one of these? If you don't like this fan fiction, and think that you might as well adhere to the first amendment and suggest how I could improve, then just politely keep it to yourself. Try writing one of them yourself before you judge!**

The windmill blew in the distance. It blew air of love, excitement, and spirit. As golden leaves almost as beautiful as I am sailed through the clear blue sky like ripples of color, I sighed at the backdrop of clouds.

The clouds invoked a dreamy, wondrous sense, and I quickly became ensnared by their sheer beauty. They drifted lazily across the above world, and I couldn't help but see them form images. Images of her. Before she had moved to Chicago. Soon, all of them assumed the silhouette of her body. My body tingled with wanting, _wanting_ to be back with her, _wanting_ to just lie down on a blanket with her and just point out the stars. . .

"That star right there, shaped like a "W", is called Cassiopeia," Britney would say in her marinated and tender voice, "It's the hottest star in the sky." Her face would be alit with a gorgeous passion, and her eyes glinted laughingly with a twinkle that was so bright, all of the stars above would be jealous. And then I would caress her warmly, replying in my own husky voice, "No, sweetheart . . . you are." Oh, how I _yearned_ to be with her in that one moment. She always emitted an aura that stoked the bonfire in my heart. I started to close my eyes and fantasize about what she would be doing if she were here with me, watching the clouds. Would she see my image in the clouds? Would she make a comment about every single cloud? Would she -

Suddenly somebody roughly smacked me. I wheeled around, and it was my good friend Jakub, literally shorter than his body width. He was sporting a pink and yellow-striped polo shirt. "Wow, you're so tall, you're actually in the clouds, eh? Mind if I climb up there and soak in the good air?" he teased. I was pretty tall, around seven or eight feet. "Uh," I answered unsteadily. He laughed at my mental instability, and said, "Hurry up or we'll be late on our first day!" I grabbed his arm and we started to run up to the campus of Hogwarts High School.

When we got there, we saw something _horrifying_. There was a girl wearing all black standing there dramatically, brandishing a knife. Suddenly she jerked it down and dragged it across . . . her _wrist_! As a steady stream of blood flowed from it, a huge group of students tried to run up and help her, holding band-aids and paper towels, even one or two tourniquets. But she rejected all of them, then gave them _the middle finger_! Jakub and I shared looks at each other, then went inside before more we witnessed any further idiocy.

I was a ninth grade Gryffin Door, so our first teacher was going to be Professor Severus Snap, the Potions teacher. "Today," he said, batting his eyelashes, "We will be learning potions." All of the girls swooned, while the guys groaned. Professor Snap was hot competition for the girls, and for those who wanted a girl, hot competition was _not_ a good thing.

After class all of the Gryffin Doors lined up outside and we started to talk. Not _gossip_ , though, because gossiping is not nice. Unfortunately Jakub is a Huffy Puff, so the discussion wasn't as fun as it could be. Soon the discussion turned to Britney. "I really hope Britney comes back," said a guy named Seamus Finnigan. His friend said, "Yeah, she's really hot. No other girl in this school wears a pink Abercrombie & Fitch shirt as well as she does." "Hey!" I said angrily. "She's _my_ GF. You guys keep out of mah hot property!" This guy named Neval Lungebossom said, "There are plenty of fish in the sea. Like, did you see that girl this morning? She sure was a _hot topic_."

At that mention, everybody got up and started to walk back to the dormitory. But then we bumped into a large group of Slytherins smoking cannabis in the hallways. We politely asked them to get out of the way, but they refused. "FUK U PREPZ," said one of them. It was the girl from earlier this morning! "This hallway is reserved for goffs! Get out if you don't like MCR and Hawt Topik!111" There was a sort of distinctive manner to the way she talked, like how she always had 1's after exclamation marks.

Anyways, so we went to a different hallway, and then I heard two people having sex.

The first one was Professor Quirrel. The other one was . . . . . . BRITNEY da perp!1!1!1!11


	2. i try to avenge jakub

CHAPTA TOW

 **Author's Note: This chapter is not recommended for anybody with a tendency to have a stroke or a heart attack, or anybody with a severe allergy to retardedness. You have been warned.**

To cheer up and recover from the initial shock of not only a) seeing Britney back at Hogwarts, but also b) seeing her cheating on me with a professor, me and Jakub went to Hogsmeade, where we entered Cold Topik, one of our favorite prep stores. There Jakub found a cool Abercrombie & Fitch polo shirt that had a custom hole that stuck into the belly button. "Are you an innie or an outie?" asked the store clerk, who was wearing a pink striped shirt, but Jakub seemed to be lost in his own world, alone with just the polo shirt. "Are you?" snapped the store clerk, louder. Jakub's soul returned back to Cold Topik, and he stuttered, "Uh, I don't actually have one."

" _What?!_ Have you been on drugs? And right after Red Ribbon Week, too!" The store clerk turned his back on us and said, "Get out of my store." "That's not nice!" Jakub and I both started protesting. But he simply refused to acknowledge our presence, so we left. "What were you talking about, Jakub?" I asked him, mildly worried about the state of his mental health. He said, "It's true. You see, belly buttons are essentially depressions in the belly. That's why all goffs have belly buttons. But preps- Preps don't have depression, and therefore none of them have a belly button."

"But I do!" I exclaimed, starting to get angry. "Jakub, you've known me for ten years! Do you take me for a _fool_?!" "You have a belly button?" he actually looked surprised. He must be a good actor. Most trolls are good actors, after all. I ripped off my shirt, exposing my belly button. He gaped at it. "The Prep God said when he made the world that 'no preps shall hath belly buttons'. You must be a biological anomaly!" And then his eyes crept upwards. "MY GOD," he exclaimed. "You got muscle!" I cautiously stepped backwards, but suddenly he lunged at me.

Jakub grabbed me. He was on top of my chest, and started pushing on my biceps and side abs. "What the prep are you doing?" I shreked. Jakub didn't answer immediately; just kept pressing on my muscles. He released a sigh of content as he stroked my body parts. I tried to shove him off but he persisted. Finally I gave up, defeated, as he gently caressed my abs.

I probably would have been stuck there for eternity - if it had not been for the store clerk from Cold Topik who came to my rescue. He pulled out a musket rifle and fired twice. The two shots swiftly hammered into Jakub's body. The bullets slammed into him at blinding speeds, knocking his lifeless form off of me. He hadn't even been given a warning shot! I couldn't believe my eyes. "Sorry," said the clerk, but he didn't look sorry at all; His face was graced with a grin of self-absorption. "I'm homophobic." He strode over to me, grabbing me by the arm. "Shouldn't you be in class?" he added.

I felt like I couldn't open my mouth to talk, but it wasn't that. My mouth was wide open, and I continued to stare at the corpse that once was my only friend, then at the clerk. Shock waves drifted across my consciousness. They were blinding me. I couldn't see or hear anything but Jakub. In my head he was telling me to punch the clerk, to avenge him. I glared at the clerk, my eyes heated and flaring. My heart burned with an angry, powerful passion. This clerk did have a gun, but I had my great height to my advantage, and I exploited that, grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt.

He yelped, trying to wriggle out of my grasp, but I held on. I hefted him closer to my face, close enough that I could smell his perfumed preppy breath. There were so many words swirling around in my head that I wanted to use, but my mouth wouldn't let me form the words. The clerk kept squirming and begging at this point, but I didn't release him or even respond; I just stared at him with that same burning feeling that I felt was shooting out of my eyes. "I'm sorry! It was- It was- an unlucky shot. You see, I meant to just warn him to get off, and..." Suddenly a gun was cocked and shoved in my face.

I recoiled by reflex and flung him away from me. He hit the ground running, but there was no escape. I was once again graced with the goodness of my height: It gave me the optimal speed I needed to chase and corner him at the alley near the goffik store Hawt Topik without taking much longer than two minutes. I advanced quickly towards him and pinned him to the ground. He didn't struggle much at all. This time I felt the words I needed on my tongue, but I somehow didn't use them. I just cracked my knuckles…

… and forced my thingie into his!


	3. 1-2 explanations from da author

CHAPTA ONE CLARIFICATION/FAQ's (except they're not frequently asked but i expect they might be later on):

 **Question: "Marinated and tender voice?"**

 **Answer: it's a steak reference.**

 **Question: Cassiopeia is a constellation, not a star.**

 **Answer: that's not a question doofus!1 can't think of exact reason, actually. i think i must've been high when i wrote that part. or, for that matter, all of the other parts as well.**

 **Question: Why does the chapter diminish in quality as it goes on?**

 **Answer: i stop caring and being motivated and it happens. you'll probably notice this will occur throughout the rest of the fanfiction as well :)**

 **Question: Does the girl with the knife actually have plot relevance or did you just get bored again?**

 **Answer: both. shakes head**

 **Question: What was that** _ **ending**_ **?**

 **Answer: #ScaredForLife #Lolz #GetTrooledXD**

 **Question: What is a goff and what is a prep?  
Answer: a goff is someone who wears black all the time, is a vampire, has depression, cusses a lot, worships satan, and likes goffik bands such as my chemical romance and good charlotte. they are also all slytherins (:D). prepz are the polar opposite. they are christian and exclusively wear pink polo abercrombie & fitch shirts. they are all gryffin doors. it's a reference to the greatest harry potter fanfiction of all time, "my immortal".**

Clarification (basically me explaining plot in third-person omniscient):

Bullsh*t happens. Narrator thinks about ex-girlfriend Britney a lot, who apparently moved away. He cares a lot about her. He meets up with friend Jakub and they exchange "friendly" *wink wink* banter. The goffik girl slits her wrist because she is depressed and suicidal. All of the boys are jealous of Snape because he's a really hot professor. random hallway exchange because I'm too lazy to actually write plot Narrator finds out Britney's been cheating and didn't move away at all.

CHAPTA TOW CLARIFICATION/FAQ's (except they're not frequently asked but i expect they might be later on):

 **Question: What the heck did I just read?**

 **Answer: the meaning of life.**

 **Question: Why did Jakub have to die so quickly, literally two chapters into the fanfiction, in a single paragraph?**

 **Answer: harry potter had two deaths before the first chapter even started. ;-; this fanfiction is based on harry potter, if you didn't notice, and i chose to reflect the quick death.**

 **Question: What is wrong with the narrator?**

 **Answer: i created him, for one.**

 **Question: Why is the chapter title "I try to Avenge Jakub" when all he did was try to have sex with a store clerk?**

 **Answer: think about it. jakub died while trying to rape the narrator, so the narrator decided to have revenge by raping the guy who killed jakub while he was trying to rape the narrator. also this is rated Teen, so if you think this is inappropriate, den get da hell outta here!**

 **Question: Why did you update when you only got two good reviows, and one of them was your own?**

 **Answer: i don't actually care about getting good reviows. i have a timeless passion for writing, man!**

Clarification (basically me explaining plot in third-person omniscient):

We find out that narrator, despite being a prep, actually has a belly button. This detail may seem stupid but it might come into handy later ya never know *wink wink*. Narrator thinks Jakub is being a troll when he's serious, so doesn't think that he's special. This detail will also come into play later… maybe. Jakub is revealed to be homosexual, but I get tired of his homosexuality quickly and kill him off using the store clerk because I don't actually care. I'm not sure what character to give the store clerk, so I use a random adjective generator from Google and created a homophobic, cruel, full-of-himself, fearless, and wooden(?) persona for him. I finally give in to using the word "passion" despite my strong willpower opposing this decision. I then try to use misdirection to make reader _think_ that the narrator is trying to murder the clerk when in fact he is trying to lose his virginity to him, but it probably didn't work. Who knows, I'm not the reader.


	4. what happened 2 king crAkar

he died.


	5. tree years later

CHAPTA TREE

 **Author's Note: twilite is da best book evahhhhh and yes i'm sober wot are you saying m8**

"Hey," my husband Jakub told me, "I'm pregnant." I slapped him heartily. "You really think I'm that gullible? I have the mind of a prep, man!" He shot me a look of contempt. "No, I'm not kidding this time. Seriously, you can check it out." I scanned his entire body for any signs of dishonesty. Starting at the bottom, my eyes drifted upwards from his hot pink high heels up to his Abercrombie & Fitch polo shirt, then to his fluorescent orange lipstick and his blonde hair, which was tied up in a bun on his head, but I found no reason to believe he was lying this time. And I did see a large bulge under that polo shirt, and something told me that overeating couldn't bring that big of a lump.

Shocked, I stood up from my desk in horror. "But it's a gay pregnancy! Won't the baby be deformed or something?" How much trouble could this bring us? Would the baby be able to breastfeed on Jakub? How would we get the money to feed the baby _and_ buy our daily prep clothing from Cold Topik? And how could a pregnancy resulting from a gay couple just sprung up out of nowhere without warning? I started to rub his tummy in concern.

"Well, scientists have just experimented with two same-sex mice and produced a normal baby. It'll turn out fine, honey." We had taken to calling each other "bby" and "honey" these days. Obviously our relationship had improved greatly from the time I raped him in the alley next to Hawt Topik. Three years was a length of time that lots of change could occur, though, so nobody was surprised. But in the span of a single day, Jakub had gained a pregnancy!

"But," I protested. "How will we even earn money to feed ourselves? We both have jobs as rapists, but since nobody ever thinks we're sexah, we only earn minimum wages!" Jakub said, "Well, we can convert to vegetarianism. Our lawn is abnormally high, and maybe vegans can eat blades of grass. We will never have to buy food again!" That sounded reasonable, so I shut up and accepted it, picking up my phone to call the hospital and inform them. I sighed grudgingly as they asked for my husband's name. "Hedwig Trump," I replied. His real name was Hedwig, but after he killed my old friend I had taken to calling him Jakub in anger, as if he was a substitute for my old friend, and that habit had never left me.

And then a chirpy voice answered me. "Oh my Prep, is that really you Hed? It's been a while, honey!" The voice sounded familiar, so I decided to keep pressing. "Yes, I'm Hedwig Trump and I know who you are, so tell me who you are and what you want," I answered, trying to sound casual and nonchalant. "It's Britney and I'm so excited! I can be a mother now! I hope to see you more often, Hed. I hope to make more babies with you soon!"

But then the phone line went silent. I saw that Jakub had plugged it out of the wall. "Uh . . . excuse me?" he glared at me. "Were you just trying to impersonate me?" I should have felt ashamed, but I didn't. "Yes," I spat, "and have you been cheating on me wif Britney da prep?" He looked taken aback, and didn't answer immediately, so I continued attacking him. "And this isn't our baby, is it? It's _Britney's_ , isn't it, _Hed_? Seriously, why does that girl cheat on me with everyone?!"

Jakub sighed and said, "You know, she and I go a whole while back . . . before you raped me three years ago, in fact. She's my cousin." I screamed in exasperation. "I've just about had it with you, Jakub! I'm about to lose my preppiness!" I burst into tears as I burst into tears sensitively and Jakub tried awkwardly to comfort me.


End file.
